‘Altered Taste in my Mouth’ Reoccurs

I’m still sleeping 6-7 hours overnight.  It’s a blessed experience.  It feels like the 24-hour day is shorter – which I’ve experienced before as no longer a need to fill as much time every day.  Although I have noticed my daily anxiety level is higher, not sure where and how I can affect it.

Last few days, I have been experiencing the ‘altered taste in my mouth’ thing.  The ‘altered taste’ has been experienced once or twice every few months for many years.  During these time periods, food and water do not taste as expected and generally everything tastes like bland mud.  Most of the time it starts ‘out-of-the-blue’.  Sometimes it seems to be triggered by our processing of traumatic memories or specific energy work on or around our brain.

Since my foot reflexology session about 7-10 days ago, I have not experienced upper leg pain and seem to be able to walk longer without discomfort.  Although my right hip’s range of motion is still reduced, as I continue to have difficulty raising my right leg to get into my car.  Yesterday, I received another foot reflexology treatment.  During the treatment I felt more energy flowing through my pelvis and was able to stay present.  In the past I haven’t tolerated energy movement through my pelvis; it always was quite triggering and I would immediately feel disturbed and could dissociate.

In my knitting realm, I discovered http://www.threadsofcompassion.org.  All they ask is you knit or crochet a scarf at least 5 inches wide and 65 inches long AND that is soft and comforting.  I will be making a scarf and I’ll post a picture when it’s finished.

“Threads of Compassion is a loosely connected group of survivors of sexual violence who desire to offer comfort and support to recent victims. The idea is simple. Anyone whose life has been affected by sexual assault or abuse is welcome to knit or crochet a scarf which will then be given to a victim of sexual violence when they enter the hospital for emergency treatment.”

 

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My Daily Energy

2 years ago, I woke up without the energy to move myself physically out of my bed.  I did not work for 6 weeks and was wheelchair-bound while a multitude of medical tests were done. All results negative except for one blood test, Anti-Nuclear Antibody (ANA) which suggests the potential for an Auto-Immune Disorder. Negative results are 0-10, positive results are 15-40 and my result was 640. My internal organs (brain, heart, lungs, liver, kidney, pancreas) are healthy. I generally do not have any physical pain, just low energy.

I live alone. My food preparation is limited to anything that does not require standing for more than a few minutes. I take sponge baths instead of showering. I use a motorized cart in the grocery store. Outside of work and home, I use a front-wheeled walker. I work 3 days per week, with 1 day between each work day for resting and knitting.

Knitting is therapeutic because it engages both brain hemispheres and is calming to us. Psychotherapy ended in 2014, after 12 years of intense work. I am co-conscious except when I am not. I have been co-conscious for 5 or 6 years now. I have one close friend. My immediate biological family is not supportive. The totality of who I am is unknown to most who interact with me.

I experience much anxiety when I need to interact with the world outside of me in any way. It is difficult to take out the trash or to go to the laundromat or text my landlord or return phone calls and many times it just doesn’t happen. I am fully aware that how I live day-to-day is outside the ‘norm’ and is upsetting to many. I know I am better when I am not spending the majority of my time alone but I do not know how I can facilitate and find safe people.  I make a decent friend. I have a great laugh and enjoy laughing. I am loyal, generally positive and accepting of others.

Today’s Anxiety

Yesterday I knew something was ‘going on’ because I needed to knit. It was only when I focused on knitting for hours that I could touch a place of calmness. Sleep was inaccessible. I had a restless nap from 4am to 8:30am this morning, while listening to some didgeridoo music.

Note: I generally do NOT listen to music. It takes more energy to process than what I generally have available. I love music. It was an important part of saving our lives during childhood. We learned composing, music notation of audio listening, reading and playing piano music at 4 years old. Our only emoting was through composing and playing the piano. We taught ourselves classic guitar, flute, recorder and oboe.

Today as I was getting dressed, I felt that my blood sugar had ‘tanked’ (see below) and breakfast wasn’t going to be possible until later at work. But I was surprised by my level of angst. I love my work.

This was major fear. So we had internal conversation about accessing what’s up and who is willing to speak or speak through Observer or Writer. General consensus is that Becky has allowed the work schedule to get too full and the weekends aren’t long enough to recuperate.  And by-the-way Becky knew about the weekends but hadn’t done anything about it. Observer noted that there’s more ‘going on’ but no one felt comfortable with the short time we had, before leaving for work to say anything more.

Becky acknowledged that she let today’s schedule run her and that is a mistake to be rectified for the future. So Becky has promised to look at the work schedule and not schedule a day as long as today (1st appointment at 10:30am and last at 5pm). And find a longer weekend that can be created soon.

 “Why are the symptoms of anxiety, anger, and hypoglycemia so similar?  The symptoms are similar because they are caused by the same hormones. These hormones are the fight-or-flight hormones — called adrenaline. Anger is the fight and anxiety is the flight. When adrenaline is preparing the mind and body to fight or flee, it increases heart rate, respiratory rate, blood flow to skeletal muscles, blood glucose decreases digestion, and stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain that prepares for a quick response, to be ready for fight or flight.

The brain’s primary fuel is glucose. When your blood sugar (glucose) becomes low, your brain becomes concerned. In order to continue to function well, your brain will tell your kidneys to release adrenaline in order to increase blood glucose. Although your brain now has some fuel, the amygdala has been stimulated by adrenaline. This can cause your concerns or irritations to become amplified.”

from Kristen Allott, ND, LAc, http://www.dynamicpaths.com