Insurance Company error

So it turned out that my insurance company made a mistake with me and many, many others.  So my primary medication is not required to be only received by mail order.  They just needed me to call them and then they did the correction while I was on the phone.  Why this error wasn’t communicated to the national help center, so anyone needing help on Sunday, would have been re-assured that their maintenance medication would be available — is probably because everyone is too busy or didn’t even think about how the error was effecting individual policyholders … not from intentional carelessness.  I’m glad it is resolved.

Got all but one of my tasks done over the weekend AND am physically – emotionally feeling the effects

— more dissociative amnesia (difficulty with time and days/nights)

— more dissociation (HF and Becky not staying present)

— increased severity of brain pain on right-side lateral edge of vision center and posterior edge of speech center and having issues with finding words to speak with and vision is not clear

— more general fatigue


My right hip pain, bilateral upper leg pain and the wobbly gait has been present for a few years now.  Since the 2 foot reflexology treatments alleviated the severe upper leg pain, I’ve decided to go forward with more physical treatment.  I am receiving 3 lumbar traction treatments per week for this week and the next.  The initial chiropractic assessment showed propriceptorial deficiencies on the right-side below the waist and neuromuscular deficiencies directly connected to suspected spinal stenosis at L3 and L4.

The treating chiropractor doesn’t understand the ‘trauma’ link, but I am coping with the CPTSD aggravations so far. They are altered taste; and anxious talkativeness.

I trade services with a massage therapist that does energy work on me weekly.  He knows my psychotherapist, who was able to explain to him the best way to do energy work on us.  So instead of directly addressing specific complaints with massage therapy and gemmotherapy, it’s best to match my energy frequency and send this energy to me via his hands on my feet or neck or cradling my head.  When the frequency is matched, then he can feel my energetic system ‘speaking’ about how much intensity to use and when to cease a particular session.  The 3 different energy workers have commented about how my energetic system ‘speaks’ and how fast I respond.  This week’s energy treatment resolved the speech issue during the treatment and 36 hours post-treatment clear vision returned.




Medication Refill Denied

Just spent one hour at my local pharmacy.  I had requested via the usual automated telephone system a 30-day refill of my anti-depressant and anxiety medication.  The pharmacist informs me that my insurance has declined to refill my script because this medication must only be filled through a “mail-order” pharmacy.  It’s a Sunday and the local insurance help center is not open.  The pharmacist spoke to someone in the national help center, which has very strict protocols about helping or not.  So no override available so that the pharmacist could not officially give me a few days of my medication.

I have been using this medication for about 8 years and getting a 30-day bottle with this same pharmacy the whole time.  The national insurance help center says they mailed me notification about this change in October 2014.  I have received no such notification.  And meanwhile, the prescription has been successfully refilled every month.  I don’t understand why this didn’t trigger a “red flag” at the insurance company and a repeat notification sent to me or an email or some contact.

I am very sensitive to pharmaceutical medications.  It took me 3 years to get to the correct-for-me dosage of this medication versus the pharmaceutical company’s recommended schedule of 6 to 8 weeks.  For me at this dosage, I am incapacitated unable to drive, unable to see clearly and clear cognitive thought is not possible if the once-daily dose is missed even by a few hours.  I made the mistake once a few years ago while traveling out-of-state.  It took me most of 3 days, confined to bed, to recover from that delayed dose.

So out of the pharmacist’s compassion and understanding for me, he gave me 2 days worth and told me precisely what I need to say to the local insurance help center, on Monday morning, to insure that I get my medication for this month while the mail-order prescription service is being setup.

This event was emotionally disturbing to me.  One that my healthcare is taken for granted, again, by anonymous others.  Two that this happened in public, not over the phone while home, so I felt really exposed and unable to protect myself.  Anger and frustration that this weekend’s (Sunday & Monday – because I work on Saturday) rest seems to no longer be feasible because can envision spending lots of time on the telephone tomorrow getting a resolution.

I immediately texted my brother as I could feel the emotional overwhelm ‘swamp’ me.   I successfully walked to my car and was able to sit in the car while my brother and I exchanged texts.  I observed as Becky dissociated (or was gently moved away from front stage*).  The Kids’ stone face moved to front stage and figured out what and how immediate plans needed to change.

Becky had planned on completing two other errands and then having a late lunch or early dinner out on a gift card.  One of the errands was no longer possible because the store had closed while she was talking to the pharmacist.  The Kids determined that other errands were no longer feasible, as the strength for engaging these tasks in ‘public’ was gone.  The Kids decided that we needed to do our due diligence of finding and printing the forms for the mail-order program, so we would sound and be relatively prepared for the conversations tomorrow with the insurance company help center and requesting the immediate required prescription from Becky’s physician.

*=see Page called Internal Organization and Parts


‘Altered Taste in my Mouth’ Reoccurs

I’m still sleeping 6-7 hours overnight.  It’s a blessed experience.  It feels like the 24-hour day is shorter – which I’ve experienced before as no longer a need to fill as much time every day.  Although I have noticed my daily anxiety level is higher, not sure where and how I can affect it.

Last few days, I have been experiencing the ‘altered taste in my mouth’ thing.  The ‘altered taste’ has been experienced once or twice every few months for many years.  During these time periods, food and water do not taste as expected and generally everything tastes like bland mud.  Most of the time it starts ‘out-of-the-blue’.  Sometimes it seems to be triggered by our processing of traumatic memories or specific energy work on or around our brain.

Since my foot reflexology session about 7-10 days ago, I have not experienced upper leg pain and seem to be able to walk longer without discomfort.  Although my right hip’s range of motion is still reduced, as I continue to have difficulty raising my right leg to get into my car.  Yesterday, I received another foot reflexology treatment.  During the treatment I felt more energy flowing through my pelvis and was able to stay present.  In the past I haven’t tolerated energy movement through my pelvis; it always was quite triggering and I would immediately feel disturbed and could dissociate.

In my knitting realm, I discovered  All they ask is you knit or crochet a scarf at least 5 inches wide and 65 inches long AND that is soft and comforting.  I will be making a scarf and I’ll post a picture when it’s finished.

“Threads of Compassion is a loosely connected group of survivors of sexual violence who desire to offer comfort and support to recent victims. The idea is simple. Anyone whose life has been affected by sexual assault or abuse is welcome to knit or crochet a scarf which will then be given to a victim of sexual violence when they enter the hospital for emergency treatment.”


Difficulty Walking and CSA Connection

********** POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING ***************

***child sexual abuse details included in this post ***











Some Known Details:  My feet, hands, torso and head were tied to a peg board that laid on a horizontal surface in my uncle’s bedroom. My head was held turned to the right-side. I was often choked to unconsciousness by his penis in my mouth or I would be awakened from sleep by my choking. Often I would urinate, in response to the foreign objects that he had inserted and twisted in my vagina and anus. He would get angry and more violent after I urinated, so as the months and years passed I ‘learned‘ to not urinate. I experienced lots of spasm pain in my limbs and neck as I struggled against my restraints and his actions.

Now:  Masturbation has been self-soothing to the vaginal and anal body memories. Urinating during masturbation has created feelings of freedom and expansiveness. Since the newest body memory, I have found that my physiology and physical body RELAXES when my fingers are placed next to labia and/or in vagina. I have found myself waking up rested with my fingers in these areas. This is profound because awaking rested from sleep is unusual. The shame previously associated with masturbation seems to have ‘melted‘ magically away.

I have struggled for many years with knee pain, upper leg pain, inability to stand or walk for more than 5 to 10 minutes without falling or intractable pain. Outside of my workplace and home for last few years, I have used a walker to prevent falls. When using the walker, I have noticed that I can walk for more time and generally I feel more confidence in walking. In previous years, I learned to bring my awareness to my legs and feet before I moved from sitting (or laying) to standing and walking. Just always making sure I had present awareness of my feet and legs before using them greatly reduced the number of falls I have experienced.

There is no physical reason why walking and standing are so difficult. But by connecting some ‘dots‘ of cellular memory, it seems to make sense. As a newborn, I experienced whole body discomfort and pain that interrupted the normal expected development of body awareness, then body movement awareness, then to the activities of crawling, standing and walking.

Today I received a foot reflexology treatment, during which I felt energetic movement and release of stagnation in my upper legs. Afterwards while at work, I felt less pain in my upper legs. In the next few days, if I continue to experience positive change in my legs, then I will arrange for some weekly treatments. Due to my high sensitivity (HSP), I can be easily overstimulated by physical treatments. So when choosing to receive a series of new therapeutic treatments, I choose to create some observation time between the first and second treatment to make sure I am tolerating the treatment appropriately.





HSP, CSA and Me

I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and had the unfortunate experience of early childhood sexual abuse (CSA). I do not want to be understood as saying my sexual abuse experiences were better or worse than someone else; comparing is pointless. My abuse started during my first week of life outside the womb and these experiences were profoundly intensified by my high sensitivity.

Within a diameter of 60 feet around me, I am highly aware of all physical movement, energetic intentions and presence. Thus every single time my abuser approached me, I could sense his feelings, thoughts and intentions before he actually started. Yet, as a newborn there was nothing that I could do to escape or protect myself.

I am easily overwhelmed by being in a crowd of people or being in a large store with many different items, signs and tags. Some people may feel uncomfortable while in my presence as they sense my focused attention on them. When in fact, I am not staring or paying specific attention to them but am just present as myself. And by being present, I am often know what individuals are thinking, feeling or otherwise experiencing. Other examples include my acute sensitivity to any concentrated chemicals, like pharmaceuticals, cleaning agents, perfumes;  artificial lighting, high frequency or loud sounds.

What is a HSP?

Richard J O’Neill, HubPages Author, states “Highly sensitive people are a very intriguing group of people indeed, not only for their extreme sensitivity to almost ‘everything’ but also for their unique abilities such as heightened intuition, powerful senses and an almost psychic level of empathy with people they interact with.”

At the bottom of this post is a widget for a 14-question quiz from Richard J O’Neill that can help you determine what level of HSP, you are. I am a Type E with a sensitivity level of 5.

The wikipedia (at, uses the acronym DOES to illustrate the characteristics of a HSP as:

Depth (and more thoroughly) of sensory processing

Over arousal

Emotional reactivity and high empathy

Sensitivity to subtle stimuli


As a Projector type, and a student, of the Human Design System I suspect many HSP are also Projectors. Projectors like HSP, are about 20% of the world’s population. As a minority of the world population, Projectors are often unrecognized for their unique characteristics and thus pushed into becoming what they are not. Projectors are a non-energy type, so they need to ‘plug-in’ to other people’s energy to have energy and are designed to recognize others’ potential and process information deeply. For more information about the Human Design System, please go to